Emotional Chaos that I cannot control
Insecurities that haven’t been present for years
Not feeling worthy, loved or good enough at anything.
Feeling like I am constantly being judged by others
Feeling loneliness, sadness and feeling so far from everyone yet in close corners to too many people.
These are just some of the things I have been feeling and I have to tell you I would love them to get out of my head and unfortunately it’s easier said than done.
I knew I would be uncomfortable in this season, but I just didn’t know how uncomfortable I would be. It seemed too easy and seamless. I felt like God lined up everything perfectly and he did, but the more I got settled, the more uncomfortable I became. The more I felt the more I thought God’s big calling should consist of more and sooner.
The more I felt planted the more I didn’t appreciate where I was planted because of the feelings inside my head kept telling me I was not good enough.
The more I felt right, the more I wanted to go run, hide and never come out.
But when you are on the right path, challenges come from the enemy. The more you feel you are going forward the more the doubts, the fears, and the struggle is present.
God has given me vision for my life, and to be honest it scares the crap out of me. He has given me visions that I really don’t know how to bring to life. He has came to me in a series of dreams that I didn’t know how to understand until I prayed and got clarity of what they were about. (and even now I have little pieces of clarity that I still don’t quite understand). He has also spoken to me through other people and confirmed my visions.
I know he has called me for big things, bigger things than I am capable of, but I don’t have to be capable, because God is capable of everything.
I know he has me in this season for a reason and that in his timing things will come into fruition. My biggest fear is to not live out his calling on my life. He says “Be still and know that I am God”, but I have trouble being still, not trying to push forward and do more when right now he is asking me to be still in this season and allow him to do the good work in me.
I have to give myself some grace that I just uprooted my entire life and started all over and that it takes time to build a firm foundation.
How do you build a firm foundation -> you plant yourself firmly
Trusting that God’s plan is better than my plan that he has plans to prosper me, to not harm me but to give me hope and a future. He has lined up everything for me, and he is already exceeding my expectations of what is to come.
Matthew 19:29 says “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.”
God promises that those who leave their home or property and surrender to him will receive a hundred times as much & I believe that the blessings he is about to uncover in my life will be more than I could ever ask for.
God is leading the way and I am so excited to see where he is taking me.
Currently in Uganda and have no idea where to next.
“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain,‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” -Mark 11:23
Trust the process of the journey, God is always faithful!